So, I was hit with a very sobering thought today:

No matter how well things may go with Nadja, it may never work out simply because she wouldn't be able to face her family and friends back home if she were to bring home a white boy.

She saw what happened when her sister came home with (and subsequently married) a white man. She has talked about how she has been part of groups and written papers and been part of movements, and though she never specifically said what they were all about it was implied that they were to do with being against the white man in some way.

She flat out told me that had we met in Jamaica, she wouldn't have even talked to me. It's just because we are in this foreign bubble of Japan that this can happen.

I'm going to try my best to just enjoy the time we have, be myself, and hope for the best, but that is a damn hard thought to let go. She feels awful just having that thought, and expecting that she would act that way too.

I mean I love spending time with this girl, but just waiting for this bubble to pop might be too much to take. I wonder just how much of a clash my innate optimism and my innate realism can handle.