It may be long to get me there
It feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home
Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home

John Legend always has had a way of having that one track that hits me right in the gut and reminds me why I love music so much. On his first disc it was "Ordinary People". On the new one, it's this track. Not only does the music just make me fly, how can you deny the pull of those lyrics on a guy who is thousands of miles from a place that I'm not sure is really home anymore?

I'm pretty sure that the day I got into the car on the way to the airport for this trip, I became a homeless man. Montreal had been a home to me. Lake Placid had been a home to me, and to an extent it always will be. But, now I'm out in the world and I am a transient. I'm here in Japan, but this is not a home. This is a one year stayover.

When I leave here, who knows where I'll go. I've assumed that I'll head out to LA (and there have been whispers that Ron would come with me.) But I've also considered going to London for a year and seeing what happens. I've also always loved the idea of just wandering around the U.S. for a while and seeing everything there is to see in that crazy nation that I am so connected to. I've never really understood that stereotypical wanderlust that is attributed to so many men, but I'm starting to.

I do miss having a place that is truly a home. But being in this in-between state, being a transient, has shown me that just because you can make wherever you are into a home doesn't mean you should. A home should always have some sort of permanence to it. Lake Placid was where I grew up. Montreal was where I first thought that I could live in that place for my life and be happy. I'm not sure I feel that way about Montreal any more, but I still remember that feeling.

Maybe some day I could see Japan as that sort of place, but I severely doubt it. As much as I'm enjoying my time here, this is not a place that will be my home. I'm sure that something as simple (ha!) as learning the language would make the idea of this place being home seem much more plausible, but I can't even be sure of that. Knowing the language or not, I would always be an outsider here. And beyond that, what would I do for a career? I will not be an English teacher for the rest of my life. There is zero chance of that. That was my mother's life, not mine, and not one that I have any interest in living.

Even now, looking around the room that I have inhabited for almost two months now, I see it as nothing more than a long-term hotel room. This is a place to rest. A place to sleep. And a place that I will inevitably leave behind (with luck, in no more than two months.)

Damn. I'm running out of steam. See what happens? All it takes is one song by John Legend and I go a little loopy. I still remember running most of the way (yes, I ran) from my house to Kid's place because it was a full moon and I was listening to "Ordinary People". I love it.

Tomorrow, I'm going to go to a random place in this city and I'm going to listen to John Legend and I'm going to walk for hours. It's going to be good.

I do feel myself running down, but I do have to end with one thing: I love being me. I really really do. I may be a pussy. I may be overweight and out of shape. But I will be damned if I want to be anyone else. I've had my rough spots and I've had my bad memories, same as everyone else on this planet, but I know that all over this globe, I have friends who love me. I have people that I care about and memories that I cherish. I have activities that make me happy. I have possibilities on the horizon, and challenges to meet.

I have the past behind me and the future ahead. What more can anyone ask?