I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

This country will never be a home for me.

It's not just that I will always be an outsider. It's the whole mentality here.

This is a cold country. Casual touching is frowned upon. You can't hug someone in public, you can't show any affection. And it extends too far. If someone is in trouble, no one will help.

It's a simple fact of humanity: People will make bad choices and go too far sometimes. And in this country, if you see someone pass out face first onto the floor in front of you, you are supposed to ignore it because it hurts their pride to be helped. Fuck that.

I was brought up with the cowboy/soldier mentality:

You help someone who needs help and no one is left behind.

There were a couple times tonight that I saw someone who was in need of help and I couldn't do anything, because it would have made that person look weak to help them. I cannot stand that. If someone needs help, you help them. That is the way things should work.

Beyond that, I hate the male/female relations here. It's like being back in the 50s. I would say that about 60 to 70 percent of the women here are housewives, and they are bored and feel useless. Women are not equal, and that is just flat out wrong. The majority of my female friends are strong women who are probably more capable than I am. I will not treat them as inferiors. I can't. It's wrong. But here, it's the natural order of things.

Christmas here is sort of like Valentine's Day in America. It's a date night. So if you go out and you see a girl alone, they will be sure to make it look like they are just waiting on someone who doesn't exist, because otherwise they look like they are lower than the women who have someone. I will never feel okay about that situation. I love strong women. I love seeing someone who knows what they want and knows that they deserve to get it.

Anyway, I'm a bit drunk. I can't keep this post going. I just had to say that I don't like any of this. There are plenty of good things about this country, but there are way too many bad things. Too many things that are dehumanizing and just flat out backwards.

I'll enjoy my time here, because it will make it easier, but I will always look forward to the day I get back home.