Grokking is

I think I know what happened last night. It was a bad combination in a lot of ways, but it all focuses on one thing: I stopped being me.

I was way too far out of my comfort zone. I was way too drunk. And, I was trying to do shit that I don't normally do.

I was mostly with people who are not the ones I want to be with in situations like that. I trust Ron, and I know he was looking out for me, but everyone else that was there I can't say the same. I wish I could, but I chose the wrong crowd to go out with last night. I was happy to go out with Ron. Not so comfortable with going out with Hannah, though I love that girl and I know she is a damn good friend. Then, Sara and her friend were just pissing me off. Sara makes me uncomfortable in general. And her friend was just an idiot. She kept pulling me over and trying to "teach" me to dance, but she couldn't even stay on the beat. I may look like a goof on the dance floor, but I am a master at finding the beat.

I've never been the guy to hit on girls in bars, and I've never been the guy who is happy to be at a dance club. I got way too hard on myself for being me, which is completely ridiculous, because I really like me. I know I'm a pussy, but I also know better than to try to change that too much. Last night proves that. I let the situation get away from me. And, of course, I got way too drunk. At which point, I tried (badly) to hit on some j-girls, and of course failed because I was too drunk and pissed and stupid.

Overall, I just hit my limit. I was in a bad place for too long. I've got to be more careful about the situations that I get myself into. I have to be more careful of how far I push myself. And I have to be more careful of who I surround myself with.

The club was a nice place, and I love the idea of "Indie Night Thursdays", so I want to go back. Maybe next time I can wrangle it so it's just me, Ron, and Steve. That would be a good mix. That would be a good support system. That would be a fun time.