Trying to find the words in my fingertips. I know they are there. They don't just leave when I'm lazy, or distracted. It just gets harder and harder to access them. That's why I wanted to stick with that writing every night deal, but of course, I didn't keep it up. Now, I'm sitting here with nothing to show on an assignment due in a few days. Maybe it's just that I'm not doing it last minute as per usual, but that's a cycle I need to break too. I need to be able to write without a deadline, because if I can't do that, then I'll never have any more deadlines to hit. But then, maybe not having anything new isn't a bad thing. I need to learn to revise more often. I need to learn to not just leave things as is after the first draft is done. It may be a good draft, but it can always be better. I need to learn how to not be satisfied, and how to hold that feeling a little more. Right now, if I don't like something, I abandon it. Of course, if I do like something, I'll finish it and abandon it, so there's really no difference. Writing is always such an "in the moment" process for me, so rewriting is all the more difficult because those moments are so hard to recapture.

Gah. Even though it is good to write something right now, this is taking away time from what I should be doing. At least now I can feel my brain starting to work again. It may not be in the direction that I need, but I can feel it working, so maybe I can steer it where I need to.