Type this

I"m getting into a mood where all I wan tot do is sit in front of my computer and type. It doesn't matter if it is gibberish, or if it is something I'm proud of. I just need to have a keyboard under my hands and I need to feel that strange release as my eyes go blurry and I stop paying attention to anything.

I love the feeling, when everything goes well, when I emerge from my writing fog to finally read what I've written and I'm impressed by what I find there. That feeling hasn't been around much recently. Maybe it's a lack of motivation. Maybe it's a lack of inspiration. Maybe I'm just in a funk where I think everything I write sounds the same. I'm not really sure. But I miss those moments.

I miss a lot of things right now. Mostly, I miss warmth. I miss summer. I miss intimacy.

When I'm done here, I'm going to avoid winter like the plague. It's something I should have been doing all along. I fucking hate winter. I still sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I'd put a little more thought into my college choice and ended up somewhere like Duke, or Stanford (tied for 5th best school in the USA, and both in warm climates.)

But, of course, thoughts like that are useless, because a decision like that would have changed my life to such a degree that it is impossible to imagine what it would be like right now. Changing a decision like that would effectively erase everything from my life that has made me who I am over the past 7 years. And, that's just not worth thinking about.

I'd be warm though.