Piizza that

Done with my first day back at work. It was a pretty easy day, but it was long. My shins, ankles and feet are achey and buzzing from not being used to standing for 8.5 straight hours. Got home about 11:40PM and I'm back in at 11AM tomorrow because there are a lot of hockey punks in town and we have a voucher deal with them that gives them 5 free large pizzas. 5 isn't enough to feed a hockey team, so they end up ordering about 7 more. Tomorrow, between 12:30 and 3PM we have about 8 teams coming in, making up about 240 people. Fun times.

I'm thinking that this trip home might be one of the few that I end up happy with. I think this trip will give me a chance to regroup and focus. My head has been scattered and stuck in ruts lately. It feels like I keep driving into a brick wall, backing up and driving right back into the wall again. There are things in my life that I hate, but I have no control over; so, I have got to find a way to keep moving and focus on things that I can control. I hate that idea, but I'm running low on options if I don't want to drive myself insane.

I can already feel my chest tightening and angry words welling up, so I'm going to cut this entry off here. I don't want to start spouting off the same things that anger and disappoint me. I've said it all before and it got me nowhere, so there is no reason to keep fighting. I have to keep moving. Not because I want to and not because I think I'll find something better or something that will make me happier. I have to keep moving to survive.

The trouble is, I know that I'll be fighting, even just inside myself, for a long long time to come.

Fuck.