I can't help but wonder why I can't move on. Why can't I see and accept everything that has happened and every wrong that has been done to me and realize that it isn't worth it? Why can't I just ignore the years of happiness, and the world of potential (that it seems only I saw,) and dwell on the bad long enough to really get angry and walk away? If this is normal human reaction, then so be it, but if this is just my personal nature, then I am a fool who is designed badly.

Screw this. All it is doing is putting me in a bad mindset before going to work. I'll leave off with a couple quotes from The Wind-Up Bird Chrinicle.

"Well, how can I put this? Sometimes, when I'm looking at you, I get this feeling like maybe you're fighting real hard against something for me. I know this sounds weird, but when that happens, I feel like I'm right with you, sweating with you. See what I mean? You always look so cool, like no matter what happens, it's got nothing to do with you, but you're not really like that. In your own way, you're out there fighting as hard as you can, even if other people can't tell by looking at you."

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"You know what I think? I think what you ought to do is start by thinking about the simplest things and go from there. For example, you could stand on the street corner somewhere day after day and look at the people who come by htere. You're not in any hurry to decide anything. It may be tough, but sometimes you've got to just stop and take time. yuou ought to train yourself to look at things with your own eyes until something becomes clear. And don't be afraid of putting some time into it. Spending plenty of time on something can be the most sophisticated form of revenge."