i'm drunk right now, so i hope it doesn't come as a surprise to you (the only one to see this post) that i don't like the situation we are in. i think it is stupid that you didn't want to try things with me. as you said during our conversation last week, there is a damn good chance that any problems we used to have wouldn't be problems any more because of what we've learned in the past while. i love you, and i know you love me. i know you think you have a chance at happiness with him, but i think you have just as good a chance with me. that is why i am angry. you decided before thinking things through, because once you did think things through (with me) you couldn't find any solid reason not to try with me again.

you claim that you are considering that you aren't a one-man-one-woman, type of person. forgive me, but that is bullshit. i remember how pissed you were when i was talking to marie at your house-warming party. i know how jealous you can get. the problem isn't that you shouldn't be trying to be a monogomy type of person, you just haven't accepted the fact that no one is perfect. no one will be everything you want in a mate. you have to find someone that will make you happy and put the effort in to make everything else work as best as possible. that is what i think.

i am very sorry for this. i am sobering up enough to know that what i've said is not something you want to read, but i want you to understand that these are my beliefs based on what you have told me of the situation. if i am wrong on something, just tell me. otherwise, please take the time to honestly evaluate what you are doing and then respond. i know that you want to do right by the decision you have made, but from everything i've heard from you, you aren't sure why you made the descision that you did.

i know that i am making assumptions right now. i know that i can be wrong and i would like to be told so if that is the case, but these are what i've figured based on what i know right now.

you know that i love you. you know that i want to be with you. just tell me what is going on. and tell me in definite language, not "i'm not sure i made the right decision," and "i don't know what will happen." i can understand if you are confused right now, but confusion is not the way to get into anything.

fuck. i'm sorry. i know this post will upset you. i know this is not what you want to see, but i have to post it. if i don't then all of these thoughts will be rumbling in my head continuously. if i am wrong (as i think i am) please explain the truth to me so i can put this away, otherwise this will just keep coming back to me. i know you care for him, and i know you think you can be happy with him, but you have never given me reason why we can't be happy and that is coming back to haunt me.

dammit. i keep looking at this post and seeing you getting angry and not wanting to see me. i can't back down though. i don't want to step back now. as much as it hurts, this is what i feel. i know that things are probably different from your POV, so i hope you explain yourself as best as possible. i know i shouldn't be saying these things, but i love you and i think that we should be together. you may have a chance to be happy with him, but i don't see why you couldn't be happy with me. that is the big problem.

i'll wait for your response. i'm sorry. i just had to get this out.

-michael